My Story

Ok, school is killing me right now. I have had zero free time lately. I’m actually rebelling against doing homework right now. So anyway…

Last night I was talking with 3 very close friends—my sister and two “adopted relatives.” (If you know my family at all you know that we have about 10 of these.) As we were talking, I realized that I had never heard their testimonies, and they had never heard mine. (Of course, I’d heard my sister’s, and she’d heard mine.) So we went around the table and each gave ours. It was a really bonding experience. I think it’s kind of crazy—and really sad—that we can hang around with our closest friends all the time and they still may not know the story of what God has done in our lives. So… here’s my testimony, the story of how God has rescued me and forever changed me:

When I was 6, my great-grandpa died. Everyone told me that he was in Heaven now, because he had Jesus in his heart. If you didn’t have Jesus in your heart, you went to a really bad place called Hell when you died. I didn’t want to go to Hell, so I walked down the aisle at church one Sunday morning and asked Jesus into my heart. My life didn’t change. I remember not long after that, my mom told me that I needed to be reading my Bible every morning to hear what God had to say to me. I told her I didn’t like reading my Bible—it was boring. She told me that the Bible was God’s word and that if I was God’s child, I should want to hear what He had to say. That made me really mad. Who was she to question my salvation??

Fast forward 3 years: June 25, 1999. It was a Sunday morning. During the service, I felt God telling me something: I was not His child. (I really can’t explain how I knew it was God. But it was completely unmistakable.) This made me mad, and I spent the whole service, especially the invitation, telling God that He was wrong. I had “asked Jesus into my heart” when I was 6, so I was going to heaven no matter what. I spent the whole afternoon mad and depressed. That night, we went back to church for our annual “Starlite” crusade. It was rainy, so instead of being outside we had to have it in the auditorium. This was the night that would change my life forever.

When the pastor got up to speak, I was riveted. I felt kind of betrayed, like he had read my mind and found the one weakness in my argument with God. He preached about repentance. Over and over again, he said that word. Repent. Repent. Repent. I had grown up in church, so I knew what it meant. To “repent” literally means to turn around. It’s walking away from the wrong choices you’ve made, and saying “Never again.” As the pastor spoke, I realized: I had made wrong choices, choices that hurt God. I had broken His laws without even caring. And I had never, ever told Him that I was sorry, or asked Him to forgive me. And I deserved Hell. I’d spent my whole life in church. I was a “good kid.” So I thought that meant I deserved Heaven. I deserved a relationship with God. I didn’t. I deserved to be alone with my mistakes for eternity—without God. (Side note: That’s what Hell is. It’s not a place of fire where Satan is king. It’s a place of complete darkness and solitude and utter loneliness. Anyone who says “Oh I’m going to Hell because that’s where all my friends will be” doesn’t have a clue what they’re talking about. Humans were created for relationships, and Hell is a place with no relationships whatsoever.)

I knew that I had to ask God’s forgiveness for everything I’d done to hurt Him. So when the pastor began to invite people forward, I went to my mom and told her I needed to be saved. She was surprised but went down with me—as well as my brother, who also decided that he needed to be saved. I went down and spoke with a counselor. I honestly don’t remember what they said—I already knew what I needed to do, and I was impatient to “officially” pray and tell God what I needed to tell Him. As I told God that I had broken His rules, and hurt Him, I felt something indescribable.

I felt His forgiveness washing over me, like the waves in the sea, cleansing and restoring and redeeming.

He is the giver of peace that passes all understanding. No matter how far we’ve run from Him, how hard we have fought against Him, He’s always reaching out to us. He’s always longing to pour His incredible unending love over our miserable selves. He is the Peacemaker, the Restorer. He is the glorious King of the universe, and He left that and became a man. He was brutally beaten and mocked by the insignificant little creatures that He made. He allowed them to drive iron spikes into His hands and feet, and hang him naked on splintery beams in front of a jeering mob. He took everything that I deserve, all of my punishment, and bore it all—so that I wouldn’t have to. He loved me that much. He took more than a bullet for me. He took Hell itself.

Because of this, He deserves all my praise, all my obedience, all of my love, and all of my life.

“For You have made me rejoice, Lord, by what You have done; I will shout for joy because of the works of Your hands.”—Psalm92:4

My Ideal Man

All right, I’ve totally failed at my goal, which was to blog every day of February. Oh well...

So, since yesterday was Valentine’s Day (and also because I couldn’t really think of anything else to write about), in today’s post I’m going to describe my ideal man. This is a list of things I came up with about a month ago. Most of the things on here are, of course, utterly unrealistic—there are only two things on the list that are non-negotiable. (I also doubt very seriously that any guy who met all the qualifications on this list would even consider dating me! Haha) That being said, I do have a list of things that I feel like are necessary in my future husband, and it is VERY different from this one! So…. Enjoy!

My ideal man would have…

1. The love of Jesus.

This is the first non-negotiable. My man has to have this in 2 ways. First of all, he has to have experienced the love and salvation of Jesus, and given Jesus control over his life. Second, he has to be doing his best to show that love to others. I recently bought Ed Newton’s series “Be the One.” In it, Ed says, “Your man can’t just be showing selfless love to you. He has to be showing it to everyone around him.” I love that, because obviously a guy is going to be unselfish toward the girl he likes/loves. The real test is how he treats everyone.

2. The character of Mr. Darcy.

(and, just fyi…. Colin Firth is, and always will be, the ONLY Mr. Darcy. Also, this screenshot is from the EXACT moment of my favorite part of the whole movie.)

I honestly didn’t realize how awesome Mr. Darcy’s character was until I had already read the book (and seen the movie) about 20 times. He treats others with respect. He has complete integrity, and doesn’t allow anyone else to take the blame for his own actions, even when other people’s actions have caused at least part of the problem. He does not belittle others, even when everyone around him is doing so. He is considerate of others, even when it puts him at great inconvenience. He is more than fair to someone who tries to cheat him. When he is wrong, he accepts correction and tries to make things right. He is a truly good man, a gentleman in every sense of the word. This is my second non-negotiable (and, if the first is met, this one follows naturally).

3. The manliness of Aragorn.

When Lord of the Rings first came out, almost all of my friends had a crush on Legolas/Orlando Bloom. I’ve always thought Aragorn was the best. He protects the weak. He’s a strong leader. He’s humble. He has unbelievable courage. And…. he has amazing facial hair! (That’s always been a weakness of mine..)

4. The looks of Channing Tatum.

Ummm… I think that picture about covers it. Oh, and he has REALLY nice arms. (Another weakness…)

5. Robert Downey Jr.’s sense of humor.

Iron Man 1 and 2 are favorites of mine, as is Sherlock Holmes. I love his quick wit. Also, as my sister says, sarcasm has always been my family’s “language of love.”

6. Josh Turner’s voice.

Oh. My. Word. The man can sing. I could listen to him forever.

7. Harrison Ford’s…. sexiness (for lack of a better word).

I fell in love with Harrison Ford watching Star Wars as an 8-year-old. He’s my “old man crush.” Indiana Jones, Sabrina, Star Wars…. He’s just so attractive. I can’t even explain it.

So there you have it. I’ll admit parts of it are silly, and unrealistic. But… that’s why it’s an ideal and not an expectation. What about you? What’s your ideal man (or woman) like? Comment and let me know!

Thoughts on Love

I was listening to the radio, and Billy Currington’s song “Must Be Doing Something Right” came on. I’ve heard this song a thousand times, but this time one of the lines caught me: “Don’t know what I did/ to earn a love like this/ but baby I must be doing something right.” Whoa, hold on. Love is earned? You give me what I want—happy feelings, a feeling of importance, physical pleasure, whatever—and I’ll give you love. And if you don’t…No love for you buddy! Sounds like a job: do the work, and you’ll get paid. If you don’t perform well, there’s always someone else willing to take your place.

So is that what love is? Just give-and-take, tit-for-tat? I think most people in our culture would say it isn’t. They would say love is a feeling you have for people you care about; it’s an emotion—the “warm fuzzies” or whatever. But think about this. If someone—sibling, coworker, boyfriend, wife, parents—if they irritate you, how do you feel about them? Do you feel loving? Or do you feel like yelling at them, slapping them, ignoring them, hurting them? I don’t know about you, but I feel more like screaming at them and hurting them. So then, if love is a feeling, then it isn’t there all the time. Sometimes it can go away for good. Why is this?

People are hard-wired to be selfish. We want what we want, when, how, and where we want it. So when things don’t go our way, we don’t usually respond very well. So, taking this into consideration, consider love as a feeling. If love is a feeling, then we love people when they make us feel good, and love stops when they make us feel mad, upset, sad, insecure, or unimportant. So, love is the reward they get for making us feel good. Did you catch that? It’s a reward. It’s payment for doing something for us. It’s earned.

So, while most people would say that love isn’t something you have to earn, they treat people around them like it is.

Obviously I disagree with this definition of love. Then what do I think it is? Well, as a follower of Christ, it’s my job to search for God’s definition of love. Here are some ways God defines love:

“Love is patient, love is kind.

Love does not envy;

is not boastful; is not conceited;

does not act improperly;

is not selfish; is not provoked;

does not keep a record of wrongs;

finds no joy in unrighteousness [righteousness is being right with God. It’s not, as some people think, following all the rules.],

but rejoices in the truth;

bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

Love never ends.”

1Corinthians 13:4-8a

[This is Jesus talking to his followers]

“As the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you. Remain in My love. If you keep My commands you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commands and remain in His love. I have spoken these things to you so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is My command: love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends.”

John 15:9-13

So, according to these verses… love isn’t actually an emotion at all. It’s giving. It’s serving. It’s uncomplaining, unselfish, patient, and hopeful. It sees the good in people and ignores everything irritating, petty, and mean. Love is caring about other people more than yourself. Love is when someone gives up what they want so that someone else can enjoy it. Love is a choice.

God didn’t have to save us from our pathetic, miserable, twisted existence. He did not have to give us sunsets or friends or hot fudge sundaes or music. He didn’t have to give us talents and abilities and opportunities. He did not have to send his Son to die an unspeakably cruel death so that we could be right with/ have a relationship with Him. For that matter, Jesus did not have to be beaten and mocked and stripped and nailed to a cross. But He chose to. Because He loves us.

And we are called to love others like that. We are called to give everything away, to God and to the people around us. Yet, we find it hard to let someone else go in front of us at the checkout line in Wal-Mart. What a shame. By choosing not to love as God loves, we’re only making our own lives more miserable. Ironic, isn’t it?

“Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him.” 1 John 4:7-9

Oklahoma Sky

I was looking through my photos to see if I could get any blogging ideas from them. And I noticed that I had a lot of pictures of the sky. That is my absolute favorite thing about Oklahoma (although the wind is a close second--yeah, I know, I'm weird). The sky is so wide open here. It's like a big canvas that God totally redoes every single day--sometimes, every minute. When I lived in New York I missed it, and I'd walk down to the East River just to get a glimpse of it. So, here are a few (not all) of the pictures I've taken of the Oklahoma sky.

just after a thunderstorm

Sunset from my front yard

Taken in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Haha.

Sunset from my front yard

Another picture after a thunderstorm (I think it's the same storm as above.)

This is my laptop background.

Taken at Ray Trent Park.

Taken last spring.

Sunset--again, from my front yard.

Sunset at the pond behind my church.