Guys 101: What My Brothers Have Taught Me About the Male Species

Every girl should have at least one brother.  I'm lucky--I have 7.  They come in handy whenever you have something heavy that needs moving, or a lawn that needs mowing, or someone that needs beating up.  They're also very helpful when it comes to decoding the male mind.  Over the years I've learned a lot from my brothers about relating to guys. So, here are some of the things I've learned:

(Note: I realize this list is made up of generalizations and that not all guys are identical.  Nevertheless, I've found these things to be true for most of the guys I've interacted with.  Cut me some slack y'all.)

The males in my family, left to right:  Daddy, Joshua, John, Jacob, Jared, Andrew, Caleb, and Michael

*It's physically impossible for them to take a hint.  Girls are always reading into things, so we naturally expect guys to do the same.  But they don't.  It's not that they're stupid, or that they don't want to "get" what we're trying to tell them.  They just aren't mind readers.  If you want something, you have to be specific and straight up tell them. For some reason, a lot of girls seem to think this is "unromantic."  It's like they think, "If he loves me, he will KNOW what I want!"  Not only is this unfair to guys, it also won't get you what you want.  So, if you want that one thing for your birthday--TELL HIM.  Don't make the poor guy agonize over what in the world he's supposed to get for you.

*It's not that they're unemotional.  They just don't feel the need to broadcast their emotions to the world.  Girls relate by communicating and expressing how they feel.  Guys relate by... just hanging out. (As far as I can tell.)  So, when they do express emotion--pay attention.  It's important.

*Their taste in girls makes no sense to the female species.  It drives me crazy.  I will see a girl that I think is absolutely gorgeous, and my brothers will say, "Eh, she's all right."  And I'll think, "What hope is there for the rest of us?!?" I've basically given up on what makes a girl pretty--there's no rhyme or reason to it as far as I can tell.  Plus, it's different from guy to guy.  One thing I do know, though...

*They hate tons of makeup.  Now, they will TELL you that they hate all makeup.  This is untrue.  If you have no makeup on, they will comment on how tired you look.  If you have on natural makeup--foundation that matches your skin tone, mascara, and light lipstick--they will think you're not wearing makeup.  I've tested this theory on more than just my brothers, and it's never failed yet.  But if you're wearing dark eyeliner, lots of eyeshadow, and dark lipstick, they think you look fake.  (Or else, as Michael once told me, "You look like you've been punched in both eyes.")


*They actually have great fashion sense.  Seriously.  It all depends on how you ask them.  If you say, "How does this look?", they will reply with "Fine" about 98% of the time.  On the other hand, if you say, "Which shoes/skirt/earrings/top do you like better?", they will have a definite opinion--and in my experience, it's usually a good one!  Just last week I was at camp, trying to decide which pair of shoes to wear with a dress.  I ran down to ask John--I call him and Michael my "shoe gurus."  He was standing with a fairly large group of guys, and when I asked him, they all proceeded to give me their opinion:  My dress was more relaxed and "beachy", so I should stick with the strappy flat sandals instead of the heels.  I ask my brothers questions like this allll the time, so it was cool to find out that it's not just them.


*They have an opinion on everything.  But they've also figured out that when a girl asks for someone else's opinion, she's really just asking them to agree with her.  So they usually don't want to give their opinion, for fear that it's the wrong one.  Because of this, I try not to ask for an opinion from a guy unless I'm actually ok with him giving his OWN opinion and not mine.  If I want him to just agree with me, I'll usually say something like, "I need you to tell me that _______."  


*They hate drama.  If you have a problem, and you approach them with it in a dramatic way, they shut down.  This creates problems for both of you--you feel like he doesn't care, and he's irritated that you're making a big deal out of nothing.  I think girls feel like they have to make everything look like a big deal, so that they can feel justified in dealing with it.  After all, we'll feel like we're nagging if we point out a little problem right?  But this backfires pretty badly.  So, girls.... let's all just CALM DOWN PLEASE!!!!  Haha.


So, guys, are my brothers pretty normal, or have I picked up some screwball ideas about males from them?  Girls, do you have any amazing insight into the male mind?  Let me know!