Guys 101: What My Brothers Have Taught Me About the Male Species

Every girl should have at least one brother.  I'm lucky--I have 7.  They come in handy whenever you have something heavy that needs moving, or a lawn that needs mowing, or someone that needs beating up.  They're also very helpful when it comes to decoding the male mind.  Over the years I've learned a lot from my brothers about relating to guys. So, here are some of the things I've learned:

(Note: I realize this list is made up of generalizations and that not all guys are identical.  Nevertheless, I've found these things to be true for most of the guys I've interacted with.  Cut me some slack y'all.)

The males in my family, left to right:  Daddy, Joshua, John, Jacob, Jared, Andrew, Caleb, and Michael

*It's physically impossible for them to take a hint.  Girls are always reading into things, so we naturally expect guys to do the same.  But they don't.  It's not that they're stupid, or that they don't want to "get" what we're trying to tell them.  They just aren't mind readers.  If you want something, you have to be specific and straight up tell them. For some reason, a lot of girls seem to think this is "unromantic."  It's like they think, "If he loves me, he will KNOW what I want!"  Not only is this unfair to guys, it also won't get you what you want.  So, if you want that one thing for your birthday--TELL HIM.  Don't make the poor guy agonize over what in the world he's supposed to get for you.

*It's not that they're unemotional.  They just don't feel the need to broadcast their emotions to the world.  Girls relate by communicating and expressing how they feel.  Guys relate by... just hanging out. (As far as I can tell.)  So, when they do express emotion--pay attention.  It's important.

*Their taste in girls makes no sense to the female species.  It drives me crazy.  I will see a girl that I think is absolutely gorgeous, and my brothers will say, "Eh, she's all right."  And I'll think, "What hope is there for the rest of us?!?" I've basically given up on what makes a girl pretty--there's no rhyme or reason to it as far as I can tell.  Plus, it's different from guy to guy.  One thing I do know, though...

*They hate tons of makeup.  Now, they will TELL you that they hate all makeup.  This is untrue.  If you have no makeup on, they will comment on how tired you look.  If you have on natural makeup--foundation that matches your skin tone, mascara, and light lipstick--they will think you're not wearing makeup.  I've tested this theory on more than just my brothers, and it's never failed yet.  But if you're wearing dark eyeliner, lots of eyeshadow, and dark lipstick, they think you look fake.  (Or else, as Michael once told me, "You look like you've been punched in both eyes.")


*They actually have great fashion sense.  Seriously.  It all depends on how you ask them.  If you say, "How does this look?", they will reply with "Fine" about 98% of the time.  On the other hand, if you say, "Which shoes/skirt/earrings/top do you like better?", they will have a definite opinion--and in my experience, it's usually a good one!  Just last week I was at camp, trying to decide which pair of shoes to wear with a dress.  I ran down to ask John--I call him and Michael my "shoe gurus."  He was standing with a fairly large group of guys, and when I asked him, they all proceeded to give me their opinion:  My dress was more relaxed and "beachy", so I should stick with the strappy flat sandals instead of the heels.  I ask my brothers questions like this allll the time, so it was cool to find out that it's not just them.


*They have an opinion on everything.  But they've also figured out that when a girl asks for someone else's opinion, she's really just asking them to agree with her.  So they usually don't want to give their opinion, for fear that it's the wrong one.  Because of this, I try not to ask for an opinion from a guy unless I'm actually ok with him giving his OWN opinion and not mine.  If I want him to just agree with me, I'll usually say something like, "I need you to tell me that _______."  


*They hate drama.  If you have a problem, and you approach them with it in a dramatic way, they shut down.  This creates problems for both of you--you feel like he doesn't care, and he's irritated that you're making a big deal out of nothing.  I think girls feel like they have to make everything look like a big deal, so that they can feel justified in dealing with it.  After all, we'll feel like we're nagging if we point out a little problem right?  But this backfires pretty badly.  So, girls.... let's all just CALM DOWN PLEASE!!!!  Haha.


So, guys, are my brothers pretty normal, or have I picked up some screwball ideas about males from them?  Girls, do you have any amazing insight into the male mind?  Let me know!

The L-Word, part 2

Before reading this post, read part 1 here.

So, to love God, we have to obey Him.  Everything we have must belong to Him.  How does this translate into our everyday lives?

If you love someone, you begin to take an interest in what they enjoy.  You love what they love.  So... what does God love?  What commandment does He most desire that we obey?

"One of the scribes approached.  When he heard them debating and saw that Jesus answered them well, he asked Him, 'Which commandment is the most important of all?'
'This is the most important,' Jesus answered:  'Listen, Israel!  The Lord our God, the Lord is One.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.  The second is: Love your neighbor as yourself.  There is no other commandment greater than these."  (Mark 12:28-31)

So, if we love God, we'll obey Him... and the two greatest commandments are to love God, and love people.  Ok, so the first part is a little redundant.  We love God by... loving God.  Duh Rachel.  Great insight, I know.  But what about the second part? How do we love people?

Galatians 5:13 tells us that we have been "called to freedom" in order to "serve one another through love."  Service is a form of giving--just as Jesus gave to us by serving, we're called to love others by serving them.  This means that their needs come above our own.  We are to "outdo one another in showing honor."  (Rom. 12:10b)  This can be applied in pretty obvious ways--letting someone go before us in line, helping to clean up a mess we didn't make, opening the door for someone when their hands are full.  But come on y'all.  Even unbelievers do that stuff.  Especially here in Oklahoma.  So how do we, as followers of the greatest Servant of all, take it to another level?

What if we tried to work out our problems with people instead of gossiping about them to our friends?  What if we actually "spoke the truth in love" instead of just coming and sitting in church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night? What if we set aside time to disciple younger believers?  What if we found a spot where we could work, not for us, but for the Kingdom of God?  What if we were patient with the people that irritate us most?  What if we stopped thinking about ourselves so much and started seeing others as God's favorite people?  God will use our simple, boring, everyday lives if we just give it to Him. Our only other option is to keep it and screw it up!

Like I said earlier, serving is a form of giving.  Love, at its core, is giving.  If there's no giving... it's not really love.  Take marriage for example.  If people get married to get the most happiness they can for themselves... the marriage fails.  On the other hand, if both people want what's best for the other person, then they are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.  They spend time, money, and energy--because they love that person.  So, if we want to love other people, the way God loves them, we have to give to them.

I'm what most people think of as a "broke college student."  By American standards, I'm not wealthy.  But if you take the average incomes of everyone in the world... I'm in the top 10%.  That's right.  A part-time bank teller makes more than 90% of the world.  I'm rich.  I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from.  I have WAY too many clothes. (God's been convicting me of this lately... I need to do something about that.)  I eat fast food way more than I should.  My point is this:  God has given me an abundance of good things.  I don't believe He intended these good things to stop with me.  I believe He wants me to use the good things He has given me to love others.  This isn't just a tithe.  About 5 years ago, I came to the conclusion that tithing 10% is only the very first step.  If I only let God have 10% of my check, that's all He can bless.  The more I give Him, the more He can use me.

The final way that we can love people is the toughest one for me.  If we love people, we will tell them about what Jesus has done in our lives.  Yes, if we're serving and giving, people will see that and wonder why.  They will see the glory of God in us.  But it's our job to follow up on that by telling them about the One who has completely changed us.  I don't know about you, but for some reason this thought makes me really uncomfortable.  Probably because I'm afraid that I will not say the right things, and people will reject Jesus, and I will feel like it's my fault, that I did something wrong.  But last week one of the speakers at Falls Creek told a story about a friend that really encouraged me.  This friend felt like God had called him to share the gospel with at least one person every day for a month.  He ended up witnessing to 30 people.  Guess how many people rejected the gospel?  My guess was about 24--I'm an optimist, I know.  Know what the answer was? Three.  That's right.  Ninety percent of the people the man shared with accepted Christ.  If we obey God, He will go before us.  So we have no excuse not to share God's love with the people around us!

Most of us would say "Of course I love God!'  But what if a random person watched everything we did for a week?  What would they say we loved?

There is a small church that brings in its deposit to my bank.  Sometimes I'm the teller that runs it.  There are probably between two and three hundred checks in this deposit.  I would be willing to bet that about 75% of those checks are for $25 or less.  Maybe 20% are $10.  So, if these people are tithing 10%... they are living off of no more than $250 a week--assuming they get paid on a weekly basis.  Somehow I just don't believe that.  And neither does the world.  Our selfishness is equivalent to looking at a burning building and spitting on it, when the fire hydrant is only a few feet away.  God deserves so much more than our leftovers y'all. He is worthy of everything that I have to give.

I've always said that I don't want a guy to say "the l-word" to me until he's ready to back it up with some commitment.  As I told my dad, if a guy tells me he loves me after he's known me for a month or two, "He doesn't love me.  He just thinks I'm really, really cute and he likes the way I make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside."  Love isn't about feelings.  It's about actions.  "But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us!" (Rom. 5:8, emphasis added.)  Jesus doesn't just get the "warm fuzzies" for us.  He left unimaginable glory, came to a stable filled with straw and animal dung, healed the sick, fed the hungry, and reached out to the outcasts.  Then He allowed Himself to be brutally beaten, mocked, spit on, and finally had iron spikes nailed to His hands and feet... for us.  


That's love.

How dare we throw that word around so lightly.

Will you choose to love God?



Here are some ways you can give and/or get involved with what God's doing in the world:


Compassion International
All Things New
TOMS
IMB
Rapha House
Kids Against Hunger
ChangeThisWorld
International World Changers

The L-Word, part 1

I was going to try to fit all of my thoughts in one post, but it turned out to be really long... So I will post part 2 tomorrow.

You know which word I mean.  Love.  We use it all the time. "I love ice cream."  "I love the Sooners."  "I love naps."  It's a common word.  People stress about who says it first in a relationship, and whether or not it's said too soon.  I know someone who said "I love you" to a guy after 1 week of dating.  Little bit ridiculous.  But anyway... what does the word "love" mean??  What does it look like to love our parents? Our siblings? Our coworkers? Our friends?

Today's culture would have us believe that love is what makes us feel good.  "Being in love" is desirable because it makes us happy.  Loving someone means that you want to bee with them all the time, that they make you feel good.  (This goes for friendships and family members, as well as for romantic relationships.) But, this version of love is shallow and deceptive.  What happens when a person you "love" has a habit that really grates on your nerves? Like biting their nails... or crunching on ice really loudly... or ALWAYS putting the toilet paper facing "the wrong way" on the roller?  Or what if they just really tick you off? What if they hurt you?  What if they betray you?  Obviously, none of these things make you feel good.  So, according to the world... you don't love them any more.  Because they aren't giving you that "warm fuzzy" feeling.  And that feeling is love... Isn't it?

Luckily for us poor screwed up humans, Jesus' view of love isn't nearly this shallow.  His version of love is selfless instead of selfish.  Jesus' version of love included a LOT of giving.  In fact, He ended up giving His life, the most precious possession humans have (John 15:13).  This concept of selflessness flies in the face of everything our culture tries to tell us about love. Josh Harris writes, "The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, 'This is love.'  God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, 'This is love.'"

Oh, how He loves us.  He gave us everything, and we deserved none of it.  So... How are we, as followers of Christ, supposed to respond to this love??

As humans, we naturally express love for something by worshipping it--by giving it worth.  If you're a Sooner fan, this means you wear the crimson and cream, and you scream like crazy when OU gets a touchdown.  If you're a Josh Turner fan (or whoever your favorite band/music artist is), you buy their album the minute it comes out on iTunes.  If you're a COD fan, you stay up til 5 AM playing it.  You devote a lot of time and energy to what you love--you give it worth.  So how do we worship God?  Well... what gives God worth?  John 14:15:  "If you love me, you will keep my commandments."  So... WORSHIP IS OBEDIENCE.  And obedience is worship.  Nothing else counts as worship.  If we raise our hands and sing and get all emotional over the worship music on Sunday mornings, and then don't tithe... we're not worshipping.  If we only listen to Christian music but then refuse to admit we're wrong when we hurt someone... we're not worshipping.  If we read our Bibles 364 days out of the year and then talk negatively about people we don't like... Yep, you guessed it.  We're not worshipping.  I Samuel 15:22 says, "Then Samuel said: Does the Lord take pleasure in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord?  Look: to obey is better than sacrifice, to pay attention is better than the fat of rams."  God feels loved when we obey Him.

Now, I'm an oldest child.  I've always struggled with obedience.  And God's version of obedience is especially hard for me. You see, God almost NEVER tells me WHY He wants me to do something.  He just says to do it.  I really, really don't like this.  I want to know why God tells me to do something, and I want to know exactly what's going to happen if I do it.  But that's not how God works.  We will never know why we are told to do something until we do it.  "It's in the obedience that we find the why." (Andy Harrison)  As followers of Christ, we are called to do "the next thing."  We don't get to know the whole story, at least not right now.  We're just called to obey him by taking the next step.


And here's the thing: if you love God, you want to obey him.  This doesn't mean it's easy--but the desire to do what God wants becomes the most important thing in your life.  Ed Newton says, "If you're trying to earn God's approval through obedience, [His commands] are burdensome.  It's when you obey God because of love that His commands are not a burden."  This makes sense.  If a friend calls you randomly and asks a favor, chances are you're more than willing to help them out.  If a random person walks up to you and says you owe them that same favor... you're not going to be as happy about doing it.  You'll probably hate every second of it, and do as little as you can possibly get away with.  If we see God as the big Rule-Maker in the sky, we're not exactly going to be looking for ways to show love to Him.  But if we see Him as the Lover of our souls... then we begin to pursue Him with everything that we are.


If I'm going to show love to God... That means He gets everything. No "buts" or "exceptions."  He gets my car, my friends, my clothes, my music, my computer, my Facebook, my relationships, my plans, and my paycheck.  And anything else you can think of.  God is worthy of everything that I have.  A few weeks ago my pastor said, "If there's anything in your life that you wouldn't be willing to give up if God asked for it--it needs to go."  Because if you're not willing to give something up for God--then what are you saying is most valuable to you?


"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19