My take on the world.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

On the Not-So-Subtle Art of Self-Presentation

Well, I'm back!  It's been an appallingly long time since I've blogged; something that will be partially explained by this post and partially explained by the fact that I was busy working and finishing up my Bachelor's degree (woo hoo!). Not that I have much more free time now, by any means--but I'm going to try to blog more anyway.  Now, on to my thoughts for today:

We all have that friend (or, more accurately, those friends) on *insert social media site*.  Ostensibly, they're posting about what's going on in their life--causes/organizations they volunteer for, church programs they're involved in, friends they hang out with, etc.  With a cursory perusal, not much is different about their page than anyone else's.

However, if you are friends with them long enough, you soon see a common thread winding through each and every post: Them. They're in every single picture.  Everything they post has the words "I" or "me" in it.  And they ALWAYS look good.  Every photo is edited, every outfit coordinates, every post is flattering.

"I got the opportunity to feed homeless people! Here's me posing with a homeless person!!"

"Here's my blog about my ideas!"

"I'm volunteering with *organization* to help with *cause*.  Here's me volunteering!!"

"At the gym.  Here's me working out!"

Here's my deal:  People can tell why you're doing something.  If every picture I post is of me, if every post has the word "I" or "me" in it, if my entire online presence makes me look super spiritual, super awesome, super crafty, super organized, other people will pick up on that.  On one hand, it's incredibly easy to present myself as ridiculously organized, crafty, spiritual, etc.  All I have to do is untag a few photos, edit some more, post something with a Bible verse in it--voila, I'm spiritual now! Internet presence is much more easily managed than real-life presence. However, if I'm image-crafting all the time, other people will pick up on that eventually.  Let's face it--no one's hair is actually perfect every. single. day.  (Neither is their Bible-reading, volunteering, nails...)

Yes, we need affirmation from other people.  Who doesn't want to feel that other people care about what they have to say?  A red notification bubble, a blue dot on Twitter, a blog hit--these are instant validation.  However, if my goal in posting is to get notifications, shares, or blog hits--well, that's shallow and self-centered at best.

The line between sharing something you love and sharing something to make yourself look good can be really fine.  So, how do I determine which one is my motive for posting/blogging?  Am I writing this post for the right reasons?  Am I trying to make myself look better than others?  More righteous, more successful, more involved, more awesome, more Jesus-y than someone else?  Because of these questions, I second-guessed myself on every post.  It bugs me when others always post about themselves--is that something I'm constantly doing??

*Scrolls down Facebook timeline re-reading posts*

*Notices the irony of obsessing over my posts looking for self-obsession*

After a lot of thought and self-evaluation, I've come up with one conclusion and a few rules of thumb I've found myself operating by.  First, the conclusion:

~At the end of the day, I can't evaluate every single motive behind every single post/blog/video.~

However, with the Holy Spirit guiding me, I can get a general sense of the biggest motivation behind each post.  I try to use this sense to judge whether or not something I'm posting is for self-promotion/presentation, or if it's something I genuinely think others will be interested in or benefit from knowing.  As for other people's posts--it's still a pet peeve when every post I see is a photo of them, or makes them look really good, really spiritual, etc.!  But, ultimately, that's not for me to control.  I just click the "Hide" button and move on with my life!!

Now for the "rules of thumb" I try to use when I post.  Actually, I guess these aren't rules as much as questions I ask myself:

~Have other people expressed an interest in this in the past?

If yes, move on to next question; if no, it's probably for my own benefit.  I already know it, so why post it?

~Am I doing this out of a desire for other people's approval?

As I said before, it's basically impossible for this motivation to be completely absent from a post.  However, if I feel it's one of the main reasons I want to post, that's a problem, and I shouldn't post it.

~Does this make me look super-spiritual, or more successful/awesome/perfect than I really am?

This one requires a lot of help from the Holy Spirit to discern.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with NOT posting all your dirty laundry online just to "be real".  (In fact... PLEASE DON'T.  That's another pet peeve for another day...) However, if all of my internet presence is used to create a Photoshopped, airbrushed image that in no way resembles the real me, that's a problem!  I need to be able to laugh at myself.  I need to be able to show that I don't have it all together.  I don't wake up in the morning with perfect hair and a flawless face, put on perfectly coordinated clothes, and think, "Yay!!! I get to spend my day doing things for Jesus!!!"  (I know, shocking.  Sorry.)  So, if scrolling down my Facebook makes you think I'm that person... I'm being dishonest!!!!

It's easy to just promote myself in everything I post.  It's also easy to just never post anything because I'm afraid of self-promotion.

It's hard to rely on the Holy Spirit.  It's hard to discern the motives behind everything I post online.  But I'm stubborn, and I believe that's God's best route for me in this situation.  So, with His help, that's what I'll try to do.



(Look how spiritual I am! :P )