Well, I'm back! It's been an appallingly long time since I've blogged; something that will be partially explained by this post and partially explained by the fact that I was busy working and finishing up my Bachelor's degree (woo hoo!). Not that I have much more free time now, by any means--but I'm going to try to blog more anyway. Now, on to my thoughts for today:
We all have that friend (or, more accurately, those friends) on *insert social media site*. Ostensibly, they're posting about what's going on in their life--causes/organizations they volunteer for, church programs they're involved in, friends they hang out with, etc. With a cursory perusal, not much is different about their page than anyone else's.
However, if you are friends with them long enough, you soon see a common thread winding through each and every post: Them. They're in every single picture. Everything they post has the words "I" or "me" in it. And they ALWAYS look good. Every photo is edited, every outfit coordinates, every post is flattering.
"I got the opportunity to feed homeless people! Here's me posing with a homeless person!!"
"Here's my blog about my ideas!"
"I'm volunteering with *organization* to help with *cause*. Here's me volunteering!!"
"At the gym. Here's me working out!"
Here's my deal: People can tell why you're doing something. If every picture I post is of me, if every post has the word "I" or "me" in it, if my entire online presence makes me look super spiritual, super awesome, super crafty, super organized, other people will pick up on that. On one hand, it's incredibly easy to present myself as ridiculously organized, crafty, spiritual, etc. All I have to do is untag a few photos, edit some more, post something with a Bible verse in it--voila, I'm spiritual now! Internet presence is much more easily managed than real-life presence. However, if I'm image-crafting all the time, other people will pick up on that eventually. Let's face it--no one's hair is actually perfect every. single. day. (Neither is their Bible-reading, volunteering, nails...)
Yes, we need affirmation from other people. Who doesn't want to feel that other people care about what they have to say? A red notification bubble, a blue dot on Twitter, a blog hit--these are instant validation. However, if my goal in posting is to get notifications, shares, or blog hits--well, that's shallow and self-centered at best.
The line between sharing something you love and sharing something to make yourself look good can be really fine. So, how do I determine which one is my motive for posting/blogging? Am I writing this post for the right reasons? Am I trying to make myself look better than others? More righteous, more successful, more involved, more awesome, more Jesus-y than someone else? Because of these questions, I second-guessed myself on every post. It bugs me when others always post about themselves--is that something I'm constantly doing??
*Scrolls down Facebook timeline re-reading posts*
*Notices the irony of obsessing over my posts looking for self-obsession*
After a lot of thought and self-evaluation, I've come up with one conclusion and a few rules of thumb I've found myself operating by. First, the conclusion:
~At the end of the day, I can't evaluate every single motive behind every single post/blog/video.~
However, with the Holy Spirit guiding me, I can get a general sense of the biggest motivation behind each post. I try to use this sense to judge whether or not something I'm posting is for self-promotion/presentation, or if it's something I genuinely think others will be interested in or benefit from knowing. As for other people's posts--it's still a pet peeve when every post I see is a photo of them, or makes them look really good, really spiritual, etc.! But, ultimately, that's not for me to control. I just click the "Hide" button and move on with my life!!
Now for the "rules of thumb" I try to use when I post. Actually, I guess these aren't rules as much as questions I ask myself:
~Have other people expressed an interest in this in the past?
If yes, move on to next question; if no, it's probably for my own benefit. I already know it, so why post it?
~Am I doing this out of a desire for other people's approval?
As I said before, it's basically impossible for this motivation to be completely absent from a post. However, if I feel it's one of the main reasons I want to post, that's a problem, and I shouldn't post it.
~Does this make me look super-spiritual, or more successful/awesome/perfect than I really am?
This one requires a lot of help from the Holy Spirit to discern. There's absolutely nothing wrong with NOT posting all your dirty laundry online just to "be real". (In fact... PLEASE DON'T. That's another pet peeve for another day...) However, if all of my internet presence is used to create a Photoshopped, airbrushed image that in no way resembles the real me, that's a problem! I need to be able to laugh at myself. I need to be able to show that I don't have it all together. I don't wake up in the morning with perfect hair and a flawless face, put on perfectly coordinated clothes, and think, "Yay!!! I get to spend my day doing things for Jesus!!!" (I know, shocking. Sorry.) So, if scrolling down my Facebook makes you think I'm that person... I'm being dishonest!!!!
It's easy to just promote myself in everything I post. It's also easy to just never post anything because I'm afraid of self-promotion.
It's hard to rely on the Holy Spirit. It's hard to discern the motives behind everything I post online. But I'm stubborn, and I believe that's God's best route for me in this situation. So, with His help, that's what I'll try to do.
(Look how spiritual I am! :P )
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Stealing His Glory
The gospel doesn’t start with “God loves you SO much…” The gospel starts with, “You, a petty, insignificant, limited human being, have spit in the face of the glorious King. You have rebelled against His perfect justice and declared yourself above His good commands. You are vile and putrid, and you should die in torment.” God did not send His perfect Son to suffer because you were worthy of His love. He didn’t send Him to die because you deserved forgiveness. He allowed His glorious Son to be mutilated, tortured, and killed because He is glorious, merciful, gracious, and GOOD. The gospel isn’t about humanity. It’s about the Redeemer. If the gospel starts with “God loves you”, then it is an incomplete and shallow gospel. As such, it will result in ill-informed, shallow followers who are more interested in getting what they want out of church than in glorifying God. We cannot de-emphasize sin in our presentation of the gospel. To do so is to lessen (steal from) God’s glory, holiness, justice, mercy, grace, and His redeeming work on the cross. It alters the very character of God.
Yes, the gospel ends with love. It ends with the highest, purest, most magnificent love there is. But the purity and magnificence of this love is highlighted by our utterly wretched state of rebellion against God’s holiness. If you lessen the sin, you also lessen the great love it took to conquer that sin.
The gospel is not about us. It’s not about humanity. It’s about God’s magnificence, His righteousness, His justice, His love, His perfection, His majesty, His redemption, His goodness, His grace, His mercy, His sovereignty. To God be the glory, great things HE has done.
“But you have lifted up yourself against the Lord of heaven… And you have praised the Gods of silver and gold, of bronze, iron, wood, and stone, but the God in whose hand is your breath, and whose are all your ways, you have not honored.” Daniel 5:23, ESV, emphasis added.
“And there you shall remember your ways and all your deeds with which you have defiled yourselves, and you shall loathe yourselves for all the evils that you have committed. And you shall know that I am the Lord, when I deal with you for my name’s sake, not according to your evil ways, nor according to your corrupt deeds, O house of Israel, declares the Lord God.” Ezekiel 20:40, ESV, emphasis added.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance He had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.” Romans 3:23-26, ESV, emphasis added.
Monday, December 12, 2011
On Being a Lady
If you know me at all, you know that I am obsessed with all things Grace Kelly, and all things from the 1950's. Women back then were so classy. They were ladies--something that we don't see much in our anything-goes-society nowadays. So, here is my list of what it takes to be a lady. Feel free to add your own requirements in the comments!
1. Encourage chivalry.
I once read an article entitled, "Chivalry is Dead--And You Killed it, Ladies." While I don't agree that chivalry is hopelessly lost, it certainly takes effort to find these days. As a lady, it's your job to encourage chivalry whenever/wherever you encounter it. If a guy takes the time to do something nice for you, take half a second of your life and thank him. This doesn't just apply to your boyfriend/husband/significant other. If any guy holds a door for you, carries something for you, etc., then look him in the eye, smile, and say, "Thank you." It doesn't matter who the guy is--old, young, smelly, scary, cute, annoying, whatever. Take the time to thank him.
2. Dress like a lady.
"Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman, and loose enough to show that you're a lady."--Edith Head, Hitchcock's costume designer for Grace Kelly.
Here is a fact about the world: People are going to judge you by your appearance. No, it's not fair. No, it's not always accurate. But that's the way the world works--and it's not going to make an exception for you. If you dress like you're easy, the world is going to treat you as if you're easy. So, dress like you respect yourself. Dress as if you're priceless--because you are.
My absolute favorite book on this topic is Secret Keeper by Dannah Gresh. It's a little bitty book that is to the point without being at all legalistic-- which is hard to do when the topic is modesty. If you haven't read it, you need to. It's well worth your time.
3. Care about other people.
I have a confession--I'm really bad at this one. I'm usually not rude to other people--I just ignore them. Ladies make time for other people. I've tried to adopt this mentality toward people that help me--cashiers, waiters, etc. I try to smile at them and ask them how they're doing. Just because they work at Wal-Mart doesn't mean they're not a real person! I really need to apply this to my family as well--just because I live with them doesn't mean I don't need to care about how they're doing.
4. Speak like a lady.
A true lady never stoops to being rude--but she gets her point across just the same. Ladies never swear or use crude language (which means I have to stop saying "crap" all the time... hmmm.) A lady is in no way a doormat--she commands respect in the way she speaks. This is where I have the most work to do. I'm brutally honest. I need to better learn how to speak truth without being harsh or ugly.
5. Wear pearls.
Ok, so wearing pearls doesn't automatically make you a lady. But in my experience, it definitely helps.
6. Carry yourself like a lady.
If you act like you're confident, you will become confident. If you walk like you're insecure, you will become more insecure. So smile. Walk with purpose. Hold your head high. Sit gracefully. Walk--don't clomp, shuffle, or strut. (However, skipping is allowed at appropriate times, as is dancing.)
7. Smile. Laugh. Enjoy life.
Being a lady does not mean you have no sense of humor! In every situation, there is something to laugh at. Look for it.
8. Love Jesus. Recognize who you are in Him.
Everything else flows out of this. And nothing else matters if this doesn't happen.
9. Raise your standards.
You are valuable. But if you don't act like it, very few people will treat you like you are. So raise your standards. Don't date guys who treat you like anything less than a princess. Don't do things that a lady wouldn't do. Be nice to people when you feel like being rude. Treat others as if they are ladies and gentlemen--no matter their age, appearance, smell, or status. If you can do this, you will be a lady.
1. Encourage chivalry.
I once read an article entitled, "Chivalry is Dead--And You Killed it, Ladies." While I don't agree that chivalry is hopelessly lost, it certainly takes effort to find these days. As a lady, it's your job to encourage chivalry whenever/wherever you encounter it. If a guy takes the time to do something nice for you, take half a second of your life and thank him. This doesn't just apply to your boyfriend/husband/significant other. If any guy holds a door for you, carries something for you, etc., then look him in the eye, smile, and say, "Thank you." It doesn't matter who the guy is--old, young, smelly, scary, cute, annoying, whatever. Take the time to thank him.
2. Dress like a lady.
"Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman, and loose enough to show that you're a lady."--Edith Head, Hitchcock's costume designer for Grace Kelly.
Here is a fact about the world: People are going to judge you by your appearance. No, it's not fair. No, it's not always accurate. But that's the way the world works--and it's not going to make an exception for you. If you dress like you're easy, the world is going to treat you as if you're easy. So, dress like you respect yourself. Dress as if you're priceless--because you are.
My absolute favorite book on this topic is Secret Keeper by Dannah Gresh. It's a little bitty book that is to the point without being at all legalistic-- which is hard to do when the topic is modesty. If you haven't read it, you need to. It's well worth your time.
3. Care about other people.
I have a confession--I'm really bad at this one. I'm usually not rude to other people--I just ignore them. Ladies make time for other people. I've tried to adopt this mentality toward people that help me--cashiers, waiters, etc. I try to smile at them and ask them how they're doing. Just because they work at Wal-Mart doesn't mean they're not a real person! I really need to apply this to my family as well--just because I live with them doesn't mean I don't need to care about how they're doing.
4. Speak like a lady.
A true lady never stoops to being rude--but she gets her point across just the same. Ladies never swear or use crude language (which means I have to stop saying "crap" all the time... hmmm.) A lady is in no way a doormat--she commands respect in the way she speaks. This is where I have the most work to do. I'm brutally honest. I need to better learn how to speak truth without being harsh or ugly.
5. Wear pearls.
Ok, so wearing pearls doesn't automatically make you a lady. But in my experience, it definitely helps.
6. Carry yourself like a lady.
If you act like you're confident, you will become confident. If you walk like you're insecure, you will become more insecure. So smile. Walk with purpose. Hold your head high. Sit gracefully. Walk--don't clomp, shuffle, or strut. (However, skipping is allowed at appropriate times, as is dancing.)
7. Smile. Laugh. Enjoy life.
Being a lady does not mean you have no sense of humor! In every situation, there is something to laugh at. Look for it.
8. Love Jesus. Recognize who you are in Him.
Everything else flows out of this. And nothing else matters if this doesn't happen.
9. Raise your standards.
You are valuable. But if you don't act like it, very few people will treat you like you are. So raise your standards. Don't date guys who treat you like anything less than a princess. Don't do things that a lady wouldn't do. Be nice to people when you feel like being rude. Treat others as if they are ladies and gentlemen--no matter their age, appearance, smell, or status. If you can do this, you will be a lady.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Many Arrows
As most of y'all know, I'm the oldest of 11 kids. Yeah, yeah, I've heard all the jokes--multiple times. "Don't your parents know what causes that?" "Did your parents never watch tv?" "Must be cold at your house during the winter." They were funny at first, but now I just want to ask people, "Can you not come up with a more original response??"
I get it. Having a family that big is weird. Sometimes I will tell people that I'm from a big family and I can actually see them putting me in the box labeled "Crazy." At that point, I always say, very decidedly, "And I LOVE it." Then they move me from the "Crazy" box to the "Really Crazy" box. Which is fine with me. Because those people aren't hurting my feelings. I actually feel sorry for them. Narrow minds.
Here's the deal. My mom and dad used to buy into that worldview too. My mom had a very decided opinion about people with large families. "Those children are nothing but a number. There's no way their parents have enough time to get to know each one of them." My parents were going to wait and time their children so that they could give them "the best life possible." However, during their marriage counseling, their youth pastor, Jim Gibson, offered them a foreign--ok, let's just say crazy--point of view. He encouraged them to go to the Bible and look at God's views on children. How did He feel about them? What if God wanted them to trust Him with the number and timing of their children? After all, God is the Creator of life, the greatest blessing on earth. But my parents weren't willing to listen. Yet.
My mom was on birth control for around a year after she married my dad. But God began to change their hearts about having children. Every time the Bible mentions having children, they are portrayed as a blessing. In contrast, a barren womb was commonly believed to be a curse. (Now, I know that this was in the days where the more children you had, the more food you could grow. I also know that we don't live in those days anymore. But I don't think God's changed His mind.) So, my parents began to question. God says children are a blessing. Did they really believe that? Did they really, honestly believe God would only give them children to bless them? Kids are expensive these days!!! But... Jesus said, "Don't worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?' For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you" (Matthew 6:31-33). Did my parents really believe that? If God gave them a ton of children, would He provide the money to clothe, feed, and educate them all??? How would they have time to spend with each kid? What if each kid wound up being "just a number"? Is it even possible to be a good parent with lots of kids?
And all the while God was saying, "Don't worry. Trust Me. Believe my Word."
Belief is never just in your head. What you believe is shown in your actions. Who and what you trust is revealed in what you do. My parents learned this. So, what were they going to do about it?
They responded in obedience. And God blessed that. He blessed my parents with a lot of things--friends, a house, vehicles, income, food, clothing--but I promise you, if you ask them what the biggest blessing in their life is, they will tell you that it is their children. They love us. They support us. When I was in high school my dad came to almost every single basketball game, even though I "played bench" most of the time. When I was 6 they carted me and 4 other siblings to soccer practice, and never missed any of our games. They spend pretty much the whole month of December getting the perfect Christmas presents for every last one of us. My mom taught all of us to read, write, and learn. My dad takes a different boy to breakfast each Saturday, and a girl to lunch on Mondays. They are there for every single one of us. We're all different; we each present a special set of challenges. They're up to the task.
I've had people tell me, "You know, if there weren't so many of you, you could take a vacation every year. Go to Disney World or something. You could do a lot more." Do you know what pops into my head when I hear that? I hear, "You know, if Amy, or Caleb, or Michael, or Sarah, or John didn't exist, you could go on a lot more vacations. You'd get more Christmas presents if Bethany, Jacob, Andrew, Jared, or Joshua weren't in your life."
Guess what? I went to Disney World once. I was 17 and it took my family over a year to save up for all of us to go. It was absolutely fantastic. But I wouldn't trade a single one of my siblings for it. And, in order to have a so-called "normal" family, I wouldn't have to trade one sibling. I'd have to trade 8 or 9. No thanks. I'll take the craziness please.
I get it. Having a family that big is weird. Sometimes I will tell people that I'm from a big family and I can actually see them putting me in the box labeled "Crazy." At that point, I always say, very decidedly, "And I LOVE it." Then they move me from the "Crazy" box to the "Really Crazy" box. Which is fine with me. Because those people aren't hurting my feelings. I actually feel sorry for them. Narrow minds.
Here's the deal. My mom and dad used to buy into that worldview too. My mom had a very decided opinion about people with large families. "Those children are nothing but a number. There's no way their parents have enough time to get to know each one of them." My parents were going to wait and time their children so that they could give them "the best life possible." However, during their marriage counseling, their youth pastor, Jim Gibson, offered them a foreign--ok, let's just say crazy--point of view. He encouraged them to go to the Bible and look at God's views on children. How did He feel about them? What if God wanted them to trust Him with the number and timing of their children? After all, God is the Creator of life, the greatest blessing on earth. But my parents weren't willing to listen. Yet.
My mom was on birth control for around a year after she married my dad. But God began to change their hearts about having children. Every time the Bible mentions having children, they are portrayed as a blessing. In contrast, a barren womb was commonly believed to be a curse. (Now, I know that this was in the days where the more children you had, the more food you could grow. I also know that we don't live in those days anymore. But I don't think God's changed His mind.) So, my parents began to question. God says children are a blessing. Did they really believe that? Did they really, honestly believe God would only give them children to bless them? Kids are expensive these days!!! But... Jesus said, "Don't worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?' For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you" (Matthew 6:31-33). Did my parents really believe that? If God gave them a ton of children, would He provide the money to clothe, feed, and educate them all??? How would they have time to spend with each kid? What if each kid wound up being "just a number"? Is it even possible to be a good parent with lots of kids?
And all the while God was saying, "Don't worry. Trust Me. Believe my Word."
Belief is never just in your head. What you believe is shown in your actions. Who and what you trust is revealed in what you do. My parents learned this. So, what were they going to do about it?
They responded in obedience. And God blessed that. He blessed my parents with a lot of things--friends, a house, vehicles, income, food, clothing--but I promise you, if you ask them what the biggest blessing in their life is, they will tell you that it is their children. They love us. They support us. When I was in high school my dad came to almost every single basketball game, even though I "played bench" most of the time. When I was 6 they carted me and 4 other siblings to soccer practice, and never missed any of our games. They spend pretty much the whole month of December getting the perfect Christmas presents for every last one of us. My mom taught all of us to read, write, and learn. My dad takes a different boy to breakfast each Saturday, and a girl to lunch on Mondays. They are there for every single one of us. We're all different; we each present a special set of challenges. They're up to the task.
I've had people tell me, "You know, if there weren't so many of you, you could take a vacation every year. Go to Disney World or something. You could do a lot more." Do you know what pops into my head when I hear that? I hear, "You know, if Amy, or Caleb, or Michael, or Sarah, or John didn't exist, you could go on a lot more vacations. You'd get more Christmas presents if Bethany, Jacob, Andrew, Jared, or Joshua weren't in your life."
Guess what? I went to Disney World once. I was 17 and it took my family over a year to save up for all of us to go. It was absolutely fantastic. But I wouldn't trade a single one of my siblings for it. And, in order to have a so-called "normal" family, I wouldn't have to trade one sibling. I'd have to trade 8 or 9. No thanks. I'll take the craziness please.
All of us with my Granny and Papa.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." Psalm 127:3-5
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Guys 101: What My Brothers Have Taught Me About the Male Species
Every girl should have at least one brother. I'm lucky--I have 7. They come in handy whenever you have something heavy that needs moving, or a lawn that needs mowing, or someone that needs beating up. They're also very helpful when it comes to decoding the male mind. Over the years I've learned a lot from my brothers about relating to guys. So, here are some of the things I've learned:
(Note: I realize this list is made up of generalizations and that not all guys are identical. Nevertheless, I've found these things to be true for most of the guys I've interacted with. Cut me some slack y'all.)
*It's physically impossible for them to take a hint. Girls are always reading into things, so we naturally expect guys to do the same. But they don't. It's not that they're stupid, or that they don't want to "get" what we're trying to tell them. They just aren't mind readers. If you want something, you have to be specific and straight up tell them. For some reason, a lot of girls seem to think this is "unromantic." It's like they think, "If he loves me, he will KNOW what I want!" Not only is this unfair to guys, it also won't get you what you want. So, if you want that one thing for your birthday--TELL HIM. Don't make the poor guy agonize over what in the world he's supposed to get for you.
*It's not that they're unemotional. They just don't feel the need to broadcast their emotions to the world. Girls relate by communicating and expressing how they feel. Guys relate by... just hanging out. (As far as I can tell.) So, when they do express emotion--pay attention. It's important.
*Their taste in girls makes no sense to the female species. It drives me crazy. I will see a girl that I think is absolutely gorgeous, and my brothers will say, "Eh, she's all right." And I'll think, "What hope is there for the rest of us?!?" I've basically given up on what makes a girl pretty--there's no rhyme or reason to it as far as I can tell. Plus, it's different from guy to guy. One thing I do know, though...
*They hate tons of makeup. Now, they will TELL you that they hate all makeup. This is untrue. If you have no makeup on, they will comment on how tired you look. If you have on natural makeup--foundation that matches your skin tone, mascara, and light lipstick--they will think you're not wearing makeup. I've tested this theory on more than just my brothers, and it's never failed yet. But if you're wearing dark eyeliner, lots of eyeshadow, and dark lipstick, they think you look fake. (Or else, as Michael once told me, "You look like you've been punched in both eyes.")
*They actually have great fashion sense. Seriously. It all depends on how you ask them. If you say, "How does this look?", they will reply with "Fine" about 98% of the time. On the other hand, if you say, "Which shoes/skirt/earrings/top do you like better?", they will have a definite opinion--and in my experience, it's usually a good one! Just last week I was at camp, trying to decide which pair of shoes to wear with a dress. I ran down to ask John--I call him and Michael my "shoe gurus." He was standing with a fairly large group of guys, and when I asked him, they all proceeded to give me their opinion: My dress was more relaxed and "beachy", so I should stick with the strappy flat sandals instead of the heels. I ask my brothers questions like this allll the time, so it was cool to find out that it's not just them.
*They have an opinion on everything. But they've also figured out that when a girl asks for someone else's opinion, she's really just asking them to agree with her. So they usually don't want to give their opinion, for fear that it's the wrong one. Because of this, I try not to ask for an opinion from a guy unless I'm actually ok with him giving his OWN opinion and not mine. If I want him to just agree with me, I'll usually say something like, "I need you to tell me that _______."
*They hate drama. If you have a problem, and you approach them with it in a dramatic way, they shut down. This creates problems for both of you--you feel like he doesn't care, and he's irritated that you're making a big deal out of nothing. I think girls feel like they have to make everything look like a big deal, so that they can feel justified in dealing with it. After all, we'll feel like we're nagging if we point out a little problem right? But this backfires pretty badly. So, girls.... let's all just CALM DOWN PLEASE!!!! Haha.
So, guys, are my brothers pretty normal, or have I picked up some screwball ideas about males from them? Girls, do you have any amazing insight into the male mind? Let me know!
(Note: I realize this list is made up of generalizations and that not all guys are identical. Nevertheless, I've found these things to be true for most of the guys I've interacted with. Cut me some slack y'all.)
The males in my family, left to right: Daddy, Joshua, John, Jacob, Jared, Andrew, Caleb, and Michael
*It's physically impossible for them to take a hint. Girls are always reading into things, so we naturally expect guys to do the same. But they don't. It's not that they're stupid, or that they don't want to "get" what we're trying to tell them. They just aren't mind readers. If you want something, you have to be specific and straight up tell them. For some reason, a lot of girls seem to think this is "unromantic." It's like they think, "If he loves me, he will KNOW what I want!" Not only is this unfair to guys, it also won't get you what you want. So, if you want that one thing for your birthday--TELL HIM. Don't make the poor guy agonize over what in the world he's supposed to get for you.
*It's not that they're unemotional. They just don't feel the need to broadcast their emotions to the world. Girls relate by communicating and expressing how they feel. Guys relate by... just hanging out. (As far as I can tell.) So, when they do express emotion--pay attention. It's important.
*Their taste in girls makes no sense to the female species. It drives me crazy. I will see a girl that I think is absolutely gorgeous, and my brothers will say, "Eh, she's all right." And I'll think, "What hope is there for the rest of us?!?" I've basically given up on what makes a girl pretty--there's no rhyme or reason to it as far as I can tell. Plus, it's different from guy to guy. One thing I do know, though...
*They hate tons of makeup. Now, they will TELL you that they hate all makeup. This is untrue. If you have no makeup on, they will comment on how tired you look. If you have on natural makeup--foundation that matches your skin tone, mascara, and light lipstick--they will think you're not wearing makeup. I've tested this theory on more than just my brothers, and it's never failed yet. But if you're wearing dark eyeliner, lots of eyeshadow, and dark lipstick, they think you look fake. (Or else, as Michael once told me, "You look like you've been punched in both eyes.")
*They actually have great fashion sense. Seriously. It all depends on how you ask them. If you say, "How does this look?", they will reply with "Fine" about 98% of the time. On the other hand, if you say, "Which shoes/skirt/earrings/top do you like better?", they will have a definite opinion--and in my experience, it's usually a good one! Just last week I was at camp, trying to decide which pair of shoes to wear with a dress. I ran down to ask John--I call him and Michael my "shoe gurus." He was standing with a fairly large group of guys, and when I asked him, they all proceeded to give me their opinion: My dress was more relaxed and "beachy", so I should stick with the strappy flat sandals instead of the heels. I ask my brothers questions like this allll the time, so it was cool to find out that it's not just them.
*They have an opinion on everything. But they've also figured out that when a girl asks for someone else's opinion, she's really just asking them to agree with her. So they usually don't want to give their opinion, for fear that it's the wrong one. Because of this, I try not to ask for an opinion from a guy unless I'm actually ok with him giving his OWN opinion and not mine. If I want him to just agree with me, I'll usually say something like, "I need you to tell me that _______."
*They hate drama. If you have a problem, and you approach them with it in a dramatic way, they shut down. This creates problems for both of you--you feel like he doesn't care, and he's irritated that you're making a big deal out of nothing. I think girls feel like they have to make everything look like a big deal, so that they can feel justified in dealing with it. After all, we'll feel like we're nagging if we point out a little problem right? But this backfires pretty badly. So, girls.... let's all just CALM DOWN PLEASE!!!! Haha.
So, guys, are my brothers pretty normal, or have I picked up some screwball ideas about males from them? Girls, do you have any amazing insight into the male mind? Let me know!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The L-Word, part 2
Before reading this post, read part 1 here.
So, to love God, we have to obey Him. Everything we have must belong to Him. How does this translate into our everyday lives?
If you love someone, you begin to take an interest in what they enjoy. You love what they love. So... what does God love? What commandment does He most desire that we obey?
"One of the scribes approached. When he heard them debating and saw that Jesus answered them well, he asked Him, 'Which commandment is the most important of all?'
'This is the most important,' Jesus answered: 'Listen, Israel! The Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:28-31)
So, if we love God, we'll obey Him... and the two greatest commandments are to love God, and love people. Ok, so the first part is a little redundant. We love God by... loving God. Duh Rachel. Great insight, I know. But what about the second part? How do we love people?
Galatians 5:13 tells us that we have been "called to freedom" in order to "serve one another through love." Service is a form of giving--just as Jesus gave to us by serving, we're called to love others by serving them. This means that their needs come above our own. We are to "outdo one another in showing honor." (Rom. 12:10b) This can be applied in pretty obvious ways--letting someone go before us in line, helping to clean up a mess we didn't make, opening the door for someone when their hands are full. But come on y'all. Even unbelievers do that stuff. Especially here in Oklahoma. So how do we, as followers of the greatest Servant of all, take it to another level?
What if we tried to work out our problems with people instead of gossiping about them to our friends? What if we actually "spoke the truth in love" instead of just coming and sitting in church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night? What if we set aside time to disciple younger believers? What if we found a spot where we could work, not for us, but for the Kingdom of God? What if we were patient with the people that irritate us most? What if we stopped thinking about ourselves so much and started seeing others as God's favorite people? God will use our simple, boring, everyday lives if we just give it to Him. Our only other option is to keep it and screw it up!
Like I said earlier, serving is a form of giving. Love, at its core, is giving. If there's no giving... it's not really love. Take marriage for example. If people get married to get the most happiness they can for themselves... the marriage fails. On the other hand, if both people want what's best for the other person, then they are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. They spend time, money, and energy--because they love that person. So, if we want to love other people, the way God loves them, we have to give to them.
I'm what most people think of as a "broke college student." By American standards, I'm not wealthy. But if you take the average incomes of everyone in the world... I'm in the top 10%. That's right. A part-time bank teller makes more than 90% of the world. I'm rich. I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. I have WAY too many clothes. (God's been convicting me of this lately... I need to do something about that.) I eat fast food way more than I should. My point is this: God has given me an abundance of good things. I don't believe He intended these good things to stop with me. I believe He wants me to use the good things He has given me to love others. This isn't just a tithe. About 5 years ago, I came to the conclusion that tithing 10% is only the very first step. If I only let God have 10% of my check, that's all He can bless. The more I give Him, the more He can use me.
The final way that we can love people is the toughest one for me. If we love people, we will tell them about what Jesus has done in our lives. Yes, if we're serving and giving, people will see that and wonder why. They will see the glory of God in us. But it's our job to follow up on that by telling them about the One who has completely changed us. I don't know about you, but for some reason this thought makes me really uncomfortable. Probably because I'm afraid that I will not say the right things, and people will reject Jesus, and I will feel like it's my fault, that I did something wrong. But last week one of the speakers at Falls Creek told a story about a friend that really encouraged me. This friend felt like God had called him to share the gospel with at least one person every day for a month. He ended up witnessing to 30 people. Guess how many people rejected the gospel? My guess was about 24--I'm an optimist, I know. Know what the answer was? Three. That's right. Ninety percent of the people the man shared with accepted Christ. If we obey God, He will go before us. So we have no excuse not to share God's love with the people around us!
Most of us would say "Of course I love God!' But what if a random person watched everything we did for a week? What would they say we loved?
There is a small church that brings in its deposit to my bank. Sometimes I'm the teller that runs it. There are probably between two and three hundred checks in this deposit. I would be willing to bet that about 75% of those checks are for $25 or less. Maybe 20% are $10. So, if these people are tithing 10%... they are living off of no more than $250 a week--assuming they get paid on a weekly basis. Somehow I just don't believe that. And neither does the world. Our selfishness is equivalent to looking at a burning building and spitting on it, when the fire hydrant is only a few feet away. God deserves so much more than our leftovers y'all. He is worthy of everything that I have to give.
I've always said that I don't want a guy to say "the l-word" to me until he's ready to back it up with some commitment. As I told my dad, if a guy tells me he loves me after he's known me for a month or two, "He doesn't love me. He just thinks I'm really, really cute and he likes the way I make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside." Love isn't about feelings. It's about actions. "But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us!" (Rom. 5:8, emphasis added.) Jesus doesn't just get the "warm fuzzies" for us. He left unimaginable glory, came to a stable filled with straw and animal dung, healed the sick, fed the hungry, and reached out to the outcasts. Then He allowed Himself to be brutally beaten, mocked, spit on, and finally had iron spikes nailed to His hands and feet... for us.
That's love.
How dare we throw that word around so lightly.
Will you choose to love God?
Here are some ways you can give and/or get involved with what God's doing in the world:
Compassion International
All Things New
TOMS
IMB
Rapha House
Kids Against Hunger
ChangeThisWorld
International World Changers
So, to love God, we have to obey Him. Everything we have must belong to Him. How does this translate into our everyday lives?
If you love someone, you begin to take an interest in what they enjoy. You love what they love. So... what does God love? What commandment does He most desire that we obey?
"One of the scribes approached. When he heard them debating and saw that Jesus answered them well, he asked Him, 'Which commandment is the most important of all?'
'This is the most important,' Jesus answered: 'Listen, Israel! The Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:28-31)
So, if we love God, we'll obey Him... and the two greatest commandments are to love God, and love people. Ok, so the first part is a little redundant. We love God by... loving God. Duh Rachel. Great insight, I know. But what about the second part? How do we love people?
Galatians 5:13 tells us that we have been "called to freedom" in order to "serve one another through love." Service is a form of giving--just as Jesus gave to us by serving, we're called to love others by serving them. This means that their needs come above our own. We are to "outdo one another in showing honor." (Rom. 12:10b) This can be applied in pretty obvious ways--letting someone go before us in line, helping to clean up a mess we didn't make, opening the door for someone when their hands are full. But come on y'all. Even unbelievers do that stuff. Especially here in Oklahoma. So how do we, as followers of the greatest Servant of all, take it to another level?
What if we tried to work out our problems with people instead of gossiping about them to our friends? What if we actually "spoke the truth in love" instead of just coming and sitting in church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night? What if we set aside time to disciple younger believers? What if we found a spot where we could work, not for us, but for the Kingdom of God? What if we were patient with the people that irritate us most? What if we stopped thinking about ourselves so much and started seeing others as God's favorite people? God will use our simple, boring, everyday lives if we just give it to Him. Our only other option is to keep it and screw it up!
Like I said earlier, serving is a form of giving. Love, at its core, is giving. If there's no giving... it's not really love. Take marriage for example. If people get married to get the most happiness they can for themselves... the marriage fails. On the other hand, if both people want what's best for the other person, then they are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. They spend time, money, and energy--because they love that person. So, if we want to love other people, the way God loves them, we have to give to them.
I'm what most people think of as a "broke college student." By American standards, I'm not wealthy. But if you take the average incomes of everyone in the world... I'm in the top 10%. That's right. A part-time bank teller makes more than 90% of the world. I'm rich. I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. I have WAY too many clothes. (God's been convicting me of this lately... I need to do something about that.) I eat fast food way more than I should. My point is this: God has given me an abundance of good things. I don't believe He intended these good things to stop with me. I believe He wants me to use the good things He has given me to love others. This isn't just a tithe. About 5 years ago, I came to the conclusion that tithing 10% is only the very first step. If I only let God have 10% of my check, that's all He can bless. The more I give Him, the more He can use me.
The final way that we can love people is the toughest one for me. If we love people, we will tell them about what Jesus has done in our lives. Yes, if we're serving and giving, people will see that and wonder why. They will see the glory of God in us. But it's our job to follow up on that by telling them about the One who has completely changed us. I don't know about you, but for some reason this thought makes me really uncomfortable. Probably because I'm afraid that I will not say the right things, and people will reject Jesus, and I will feel like it's my fault, that I did something wrong. But last week one of the speakers at Falls Creek told a story about a friend that really encouraged me. This friend felt like God had called him to share the gospel with at least one person every day for a month. He ended up witnessing to 30 people. Guess how many people rejected the gospel? My guess was about 24--I'm an optimist, I know. Know what the answer was? Three. That's right. Ninety percent of the people the man shared with accepted Christ. If we obey God, He will go before us. So we have no excuse not to share God's love with the people around us!
Most of us would say "Of course I love God!' But what if a random person watched everything we did for a week? What would they say we loved?
There is a small church that brings in its deposit to my bank. Sometimes I'm the teller that runs it. There are probably between two and three hundred checks in this deposit. I would be willing to bet that about 75% of those checks are for $25 or less. Maybe 20% are $10. So, if these people are tithing 10%... they are living off of no more than $250 a week--assuming they get paid on a weekly basis. Somehow I just don't believe that. And neither does the world. Our selfishness is equivalent to looking at a burning building and spitting on it, when the fire hydrant is only a few feet away. God deserves so much more than our leftovers y'all. He is worthy of everything that I have to give.
I've always said that I don't want a guy to say "the l-word" to me until he's ready to back it up with some commitment. As I told my dad, if a guy tells me he loves me after he's known me for a month or two, "He doesn't love me. He just thinks I'm really, really cute and he likes the way I make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside." Love isn't about feelings. It's about actions. "But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us!" (Rom. 5:8, emphasis added.) Jesus doesn't just get the "warm fuzzies" for us. He left unimaginable glory, came to a stable filled with straw and animal dung, healed the sick, fed the hungry, and reached out to the outcasts. Then He allowed Himself to be brutally beaten, mocked, spit on, and finally had iron spikes nailed to His hands and feet... for us.
That's love.
How dare we throw that word around so lightly.
Will you choose to love God?
Here are some ways you can give and/or get involved with what God's doing in the world:
Compassion International
All Things New
TOMS
IMB
Rapha House
Kids Against Hunger
ChangeThisWorld
International World Changers
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The L-Word, part 1
I was going to try to fit all of my thoughts in one post, but it turned out to be really long... So I will post part 2 tomorrow.
You know which word I mean. Love. We use it all the time. "I love ice cream." "I love the Sooners." "I love naps." It's a common word. People stress about who says it first in a relationship, and whether or not it's said too soon. I know someone who said "I love you" to a guy after 1 week of dating. Little bit ridiculous. But anyway... what does the word "love" mean?? What does it look like to love our parents? Our siblings? Our coworkers? Our friends?
Today's culture would have us believe that love is what makes us feel good. "Being in love" is desirable because it makes us happy. Loving someone means that you want to bee with them all the time, that they make you feel good. (This goes for friendships and family members, as well as for romantic relationships.) But, this version of love is shallow and deceptive. What happens when a person you "love" has a habit that really grates on your nerves? Like biting their nails... or crunching on ice really loudly... or ALWAYS putting the toilet paper facing "the wrong way" on the roller? Or what if they just really tick you off? What if they hurt you? What if they betray you? Obviously, none of these things make you feel good. So, according to the world... you don't love them any more. Because they aren't giving you that "warm fuzzy" feeling. And that feeling is love... Isn't it?
Luckily for us poor screwed up humans, Jesus' view of love isn't nearly this shallow. His version of love is selfless instead of selfish. Jesus' version of love included a LOT of giving. In fact, He ended up giving His life, the most precious possession humans have (John 15:13). This concept of selflessness flies in the face of everything our culture tries to tell us about love. Josh Harris writes, "The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, 'This is love.' God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, 'This is love.'"
Oh, how He loves us. He gave us everything, and we deserved none of it. So... How are we, as followers of Christ, supposed to respond to this love??
As humans, we naturally express love for something by worshipping it--by giving it worth. If you're a Sooner fan, this means you wear the crimson and cream, and you scream like crazy when OU gets a touchdown. If you're a Josh Turner fan (or whoever your favorite band/music artist is), you buy their album the minute it comes out on iTunes. If you're a COD fan, you stay up til 5 AM playing it. You devote a lot of time and energy to what you love--you give it worth. So how do we worship God? Well... what gives God worth? John 14:15: "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." So... WORSHIP IS OBEDIENCE. And obedience is worship. Nothing else counts as worship. If we raise our hands and sing and get all emotional over the worship music on Sunday mornings, and then don't tithe... we're not worshipping. If we only listen to Christian music but then refuse to admit we're wrong when we hurt someone... we're not worshipping. If we read our Bibles 364 days out of the year and then talk negatively about people we don't like... Yep, you guessed it. We're not worshipping. I Samuel 15:22 says, "Then Samuel said: Does the Lord take pleasure in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? Look: to obey is better than sacrifice, to pay attention is better than the fat of rams." God feels loved when we obey Him.
Now, I'm an oldest child. I've always struggled with obedience. And God's version of obedience is especially hard for me. You see, God almost NEVER tells me WHY He wants me to do something. He just says to do it. I really, really don't like this. I want to know why God tells me to do something, and I want to know exactly what's going to happen if I do it. But that's not how God works. We will never know why we are told to do something until we do it. "It's in the obedience that we find the why." (Andy Harrison) As followers of Christ, we are called to do "the next thing." We don't get to know the whole story, at least not right now. We're just called to obey him by taking the next step.
And here's the thing: if you love God, you want to obey him. This doesn't mean it's easy--but the desire to do what God wants becomes the most important thing in your life. Ed Newton says, "If you're trying to earn God's approval through obedience, [His commands] are burdensome. It's when you obey God because of love that His commands are not a burden." This makes sense. If a friend calls you randomly and asks a favor, chances are you're more than willing to help them out. If a random person walks up to you and says you owe them that same favor... you're not going to be as happy about doing it. You'll probably hate every second of it, and do as little as you can possibly get away with. If we see God as the big Rule-Maker in the sky, we're not exactly going to be looking for ways to show love to Him. But if we see Him as the Lover of our souls... then we begin to pursue Him with everything that we are.
If I'm going to show love to God... That means He gets everything. No "buts" or "exceptions." He gets my car, my friends, my clothes, my music, my computer, my Facebook, my relationships, my plans, and my paycheck. And anything else you can think of. God is worthy of everything that I have. A few weeks ago my pastor said, "If there's anything in your life that you wouldn't be willing to give up if God asked for it--it needs to go." Because if you're not willing to give something up for God--then what are you saying is most valuable to you?
"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19
You know which word I mean. Love. We use it all the time. "I love ice cream." "I love the Sooners." "I love naps." It's a common word. People stress about who says it first in a relationship, and whether or not it's said too soon. I know someone who said "I love you" to a guy after 1 week of dating. Little bit ridiculous. But anyway... what does the word "love" mean?? What does it look like to love our parents? Our siblings? Our coworkers? Our friends?
Today's culture would have us believe that love is what makes us feel good. "Being in love" is desirable because it makes us happy. Loving someone means that you want to bee with them all the time, that they make you feel good. (This goes for friendships and family members, as well as for romantic relationships.) But, this version of love is shallow and deceptive. What happens when a person you "love" has a habit that really grates on your nerves? Like biting their nails... or crunching on ice really loudly... or ALWAYS putting the toilet paper facing "the wrong way" on the roller? Or what if they just really tick you off? What if they hurt you? What if they betray you? Obviously, none of these things make you feel good. So, according to the world... you don't love them any more. Because they aren't giving you that "warm fuzzy" feeling. And that feeling is love... Isn't it?
Luckily for us poor screwed up humans, Jesus' view of love isn't nearly this shallow. His version of love is selfless instead of selfish. Jesus' version of love included a LOT of giving. In fact, He ended up giving His life, the most precious possession humans have (John 15:13). This concept of selflessness flies in the face of everything our culture tries to tell us about love. Josh Harris writes, "The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, 'This is love.' God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, 'This is love.'"
Oh, how He loves us. He gave us everything, and we deserved none of it. So... How are we, as followers of Christ, supposed to respond to this love??
As humans, we naturally express love for something by worshipping it--by giving it worth. If you're a Sooner fan, this means you wear the crimson and cream, and you scream like crazy when OU gets a touchdown. If you're a Josh Turner fan (or whoever your favorite band/music artist is), you buy their album the minute it comes out on iTunes. If you're a COD fan, you stay up til 5 AM playing it. You devote a lot of time and energy to what you love--you give it worth. So how do we worship God? Well... what gives God worth? John 14:15: "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." So... WORSHIP IS OBEDIENCE. And obedience is worship. Nothing else counts as worship. If we raise our hands and sing and get all emotional over the worship music on Sunday mornings, and then don't tithe... we're not worshipping. If we only listen to Christian music but then refuse to admit we're wrong when we hurt someone... we're not worshipping. If we read our Bibles 364 days out of the year and then talk negatively about people we don't like... Yep, you guessed it. We're not worshipping. I Samuel 15:22 says, "Then Samuel said: Does the Lord take pleasure in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? Look: to obey is better than sacrifice, to pay attention is better than the fat of rams." God feels loved when we obey Him.
Now, I'm an oldest child. I've always struggled with obedience. And God's version of obedience is especially hard for me. You see, God almost NEVER tells me WHY He wants me to do something. He just says to do it. I really, really don't like this. I want to know why God tells me to do something, and I want to know exactly what's going to happen if I do it. But that's not how God works. We will never know why we are told to do something until we do it. "It's in the obedience that we find the why." (Andy Harrison) As followers of Christ, we are called to do "the next thing." We don't get to know the whole story, at least not right now. We're just called to obey him by taking the next step.
And here's the thing: if you love God, you want to obey him. This doesn't mean it's easy--but the desire to do what God wants becomes the most important thing in your life. Ed Newton says, "If you're trying to earn God's approval through obedience, [His commands] are burdensome. It's when you obey God because of love that His commands are not a burden." This makes sense. If a friend calls you randomly and asks a favor, chances are you're more than willing to help them out. If a random person walks up to you and says you owe them that same favor... you're not going to be as happy about doing it. You'll probably hate every second of it, and do as little as you can possibly get away with. If we see God as the big Rule-Maker in the sky, we're not exactly going to be looking for ways to show love to Him. But if we see Him as the Lover of our souls... then we begin to pursue Him with everything that we are.
If I'm going to show love to God... That means He gets everything. No "buts" or "exceptions." He gets my car, my friends, my clothes, my music, my computer, my Facebook, my relationships, my plans, and my paycheck. And anything else you can think of. God is worthy of everything that I have. A few weeks ago my pastor said, "If there's anything in your life that you wouldn't be willing to give up if God asked for it--it needs to go." Because if you're not willing to give something up for God--then what are you saying is most valuable to you?
"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19
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